30 March 2005

The Uncanny O-Man: Top 5 Superheroine Crushes (because I'm a big fat nerd loser)

There has got to be something wrong with me to not only write this but to publish it for the entire interweb to see.

  • Poison Ivy: I know. I know. I have issues. But seriously, Pamela Isley is some archetypal image of the sensual woman. I think my favorite incarnation of her is on the animated show. Sometimes, I wonder how they got away with what they got away with for "children's" programming.
  • Phoenix III: In the words of the Silk Spectre II, "Did the costumes make it good?" Honestly though, I suspect that telepaths would make the greatest lovers. We're not even talking empathy here or being sensitive to another's needs. We're talking about being completely in sync with another human being. The entire relationship has got to be improved by that ability. Or, at the very least, she'd be able to project her thoughts for real instead of just staring at me like I was a lump.
  • Major Motoko Kusanagi: Ignoring for a moment her cybernetic body, the Major is an intelligent, resourceful, and very independant character. Frankly, I think intelligent, independant women are hot. It carries over to other fiction I enjoy: Aeryn Sun, Pam Grier, K'Ehleyr. DON'T JUDGE ME!
  • Psylocke: Dude, I know. She's a British woman in an Asian woman's body. I cannot even deal with the level of fetish she represents. But Jim Lee drew her REAL well.
  • Nancy: I don't know which one is hotter... Frank Miller's drawing or Jessica Alba. You know, I didn't even have a thing for Jessica ('cause, see, we're on a first name basis). Actually, I was really against her being Nancy... Then, I, like the rest of the United States of Fanboy, saw the unfinished footage... and I lost my freaking conscious mind. I think I blacked out, slammed my face against the keyboard, and -- somehow -- the impact of my face against the keys composed a love letter that somehow was mailed to Jessica's home address. How the envelope got her home address on it is beyond me, I just know that it did. I would like to formally apologize for that. Jess, I have no idea how that happened. Call me; I'll buy you dinner and make it up to you.


julie said...

Oh, man, Omar! Not Psylocke. That's a white woman in an asian woman's body, for chrissakes ... I'm revoking your yellow fist license. And I don't care how well she was drawn. She was written like carp. And that's a nice way of misspelling crap. ;D

Guy LeCharles Gonzalez said...

Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman remains to this day my number one superheroine crush. No one comes close.

bottleHeD said...

When i first read "Nancy", i thought, "Nancy Drew"..

Omar said...

Ok, see here's the thing about Wonder Woman. Yes, she's seen as iconic and people see her as a strong female character. However, let's take a step back for a second. She was created by a man and for most of history she's been written by men. (Imagine if a strong black character were created and written only by white people. Would you trust him?) Of course, it follows that she's written as a strong female through men's eyes. Now, you're thinking, why don't women write her then? Well, there's a fear, from what I've read, that if a female writer starts writing a female character, she'll get pigeon-holed. I used to collect Wonder Woman, and a lot of good writers write her badly. Look at her oversized book "Spirit of Truth". That series of oversized books are fantastic except for Spirit of Truth. Why? Well, the others dealing with Batman, Superman, Captain Marvel all examine the characters in their worlds. Why does Wonder Woman need to turn to Superman for guidance? ... Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, she's hot. Yes, she comes from a island of women... nothing but Amazonian women. All long legged and hot. I bet they even kiss each other. Hot. And they don't let men on the island... except for Superman cause his dick is that big. Yes, ladies of Lesbos, Superman can service you all! ... but who am I to ask for strong female characters? I'm just another dude who reads 4 color funny books detailing women with breasts bigger than their brains.

... about Psylocke. Hurm. Guilty as charged. Here's my license. Now, bring on the twinkies... I did not just go there, did I?

No, I'm never sure when I'm serious or not either.

Omar said...

Then again, rereading my comments and my list... It's not like those other women were created or written by men. Man, I suck. Maybe I should really think about my lists and create real top 5s instead of the first 5 things that come to mind.