The Uncanny O-Man: Top 5 Superheroes Who I'd Like To Make Me A Sandwich

And by Top 5, I mean the first 5 that came to mind...

5. Lobo. I want to eat of the Main Man's succulant pulled pork. [Omar looks to the left, looks to the right, feels a little dirty, but reminds himself that the Main Man knows his pork.]

4. Who better to roast up an all-American hot dog than Captain America? Course he'd have to serve up some tasty, greasy freedom fries, too. [Author's note: OMG! I'm totally sorry about that one. Guy made me do it. He hates the French despite his name and makes me make fun of those smelly sumbitzes as much as possible. Why, just the other day he was beating up a little French child with a distended duck yelling, "You white caucasoid piece of trash, go back to Europe where you belong. U-S-A! U-S-A!"] [Editor's note: Omar is a liar. I'm going to show him distended. That mofo has had it. U-S-A!]

3. Alfred Pennyworth. Okay, he may not be a superhero. He may not even be a sidekick. But I bet that a world class butler like Alfred makes a kick-@$$ grilled cheese.

2. Now, let me preface this one by saying that I'm simply being completely and totally open with you people. I mean, seriously. It's hard to be this brutally honest when you are talking about sandwich preferences. That said, I really, really, really want Animal Man to make me a burger.

1. Swamp Thing. Now this dude is gonna make you a sandwich. Fo shizzle, my bizzle. Every vegetable is at his disposal. You ever see that one issue where he gets it on with Abby and tells her to eat this tuber that makes her see visions? Imagine the sandwich this dude would make. It'd even be vegan! I probably wouldn't even gag when I ate it. That sandwich could even be macrobiotic!